Dating While Vegan

Dating is difficult in 2017. I remember the time when someone would muster the courage to tell another person how much they loved them and couldn’t live without them.

Wait, actually, I think that was in a movie... and most Jamaicans aren’t too lovey dovey. Lucky if you get a hug. I’m a hugger though. As long as you like sideways hugs until I can trust you. Those full hugs are at my discretion, honey.

Nevertheless, those movies are old, from like the 1990’s and those days are gone in the last century. They’re almost non-existent. Dating now, has primarily began over the computer scene. In fact, I think a lot of women, especially educated Black women, have set their eyes on traveling and starting businesses or owning a home with a miniature poodle inside, instead of finding the one. Men seem to be hoping for that one too, yet many have an unrealistic perception of women and what they should be. I think this actually works vice versa and up/down, horizontal/vertical... any which way you take it! Dating is difficult in 2017.

As if to complicate the story, I’m vegan. Now there are no apologies whatsoever about my vegan lifestyle. Becoming vegan has created so many wonderful changes in my life, and I am still anticipating my goal of going raw vegan in the New Year. I have proven that going cold TOFUrkey werqs honey! Okay!

So here is the thing. As if the computer screens and technology weren’t enough, I absolutely love being alone. I am, what you’d call now, an introverted extrovert. What the hell does that mean? I LOVE BEING ALONE, but I’m great at public speaking, performing on a stage and giving a show, or dealing with a classroom full of students whose personalities are on from 7:15- 5:30. I can be a lot, yet my down time to decompress and recharge is absolutely necessary.

Now that I am vegan, I find myself more spiritually in tuned with my higher power (God) and myself. I feel a lot more. I am more vocal about things that concern me, and I am more apt to listening and not jumping into conclusions. I am understanding that all things need balance in this world, and that I also need to meditate and self reflect to tap back into that source. Dating another human is a lot. You have to tap into yourself, and the feelings and emotions of another complex being, and because we are perfectly imperfect, our actions and thoughts that manifest play an integral part in the way our relationships with others work. This why I talk about celibacy.

It’s hard for most people. Most people have an urge, and it’s a lot to curtail it and not feed into the burn in your loins. For an introverted extrovert, I’m actually a pro at celibacy. It is easy for me, because it never seems worth it to give up my celibacy. I believe intercourse is the highest form of a connection and energy between two people that can occur. Once it happens, two people know each other. There are no reservations or misunderstandings of who the person in their chariot is, and all is revealed. Therefore, it makes me wonder why it isn’t treasured more? Why it isn’t important to hold the urges and get to know someone on a personal level before connecting with their spirit? Challenging, I know, but this is the reason many failed relationships occur. How can you meet the soul before being introduced to the spirit. Friendship is key to any healthy relationship, because most friends who are genuine do not want to hurt each other. They are protective. They are concerned. They are loving and compassionate, all without sex to know the soul, but they are redirected by years of loyalty and understanding. It is still possible to reach the soul without sex, but it is impossible to have sex without reaching the soul. That’s why we get soul ties.

***

So I started thinking to myself, I’m 31 years young, and it’s time I branched off and find me a man. I’ve thought of going back to Jamaica to “find” a husband. Lordt. I’ve had very few connections in my past, because dating is not something I did very well. I was unable to understand myself and my own personal needs, and often times, I did not put myself first. I decided about five years ago that I’d never be a girlfriend again, yet instead, I’d date until I found an interest with the intention to move forward into a serious lifelong commitment. The big M. Marriage was one thing I knew had to happen for me, and I know that anyone who knows me understands that I’m fun, but I’m not into playing around for the sake of someone else’s personal satisfaction. Sure, it’s nice to talk and get to know someone, but giving up the best parts of yourself with only a promise? As Jamaicans say “a promise is a comfort to a fool.”

I decided to join a vegan dating website. At first I was excited. Then I saw all these categories and felt like I was having an experience. An episode, if you will. My episodes are always moments of self actualization and awareness of the matrix. I felt like I was limited. I felt like I was building my own clone, as I ticked the boxes of “your ideal match must be : options- vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, fruitarian, breatharian, bisexual, pansexual, all the sexuals including asexuals., white, black, Indian, Pacific Islander, mixed, indigenous, no kids, kids, doesn’t want kids, lives with parents, parents live with them, no job, job.” I think you get the point!

I started thinking about back in the days, and how my ancestors would be chosen or paid for in dowry’s or with cattle or other animals. I started thinking about how valuable the woman would be to the man that chose her and provided for her. Polyamourous or monogamous... things were certainly different and I felt that as I began to narrow my search. I was getting annoyed with all the questions it asked so that my match could find me, and even though I put a cap, men around the age of my father and older were favoriting me. After putting in all the things I assumed were important, my search result came out to, GUESS ME WHAT? 0!!!!! Yes, a big fat old ZERO. Like Keith Sweat sang! Nobaaaaaaady! Like the church hymn says! No not one!!!!!! I took the filters off, opened the search up, and all the men were in England that fit the age bracket. We’re not even talking about if I was looking for a piece of dark chocolate honey okay!

Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks...





So I listened to my inner voice and she said sign out and go to bed. I got up the next morning with no reservations nor interest at all to sign back in. I don’t want to search for anyone. I am not knocking anyone who searches, but my beliefs are very different now. I believe that when someone really sees you, they make it a priority to let you know that YOU are important or a necessary part of your day.

WHAT’S SO DIFFICULT ABOUT THIS? 
PEOPLE ARE NOT ROBOTS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH THE GOVERNMENT TRIES TO PROGRAM AND CREATE US TO BE THEIR SLAVES. WE ARE HUMAN. WE HAVE EMOTIONS. WE FEEL. WE ARE HUMANS. 
End rant.

 When you are needed in someone’s life, they call to hear your voice. They need to hear your voice. Can’t sleep without knowing you’re okay. They travel to be with you. They make time for you. They see your imperfections and they still fight for you. They don’t see you as a quest to conquer, yet instead, a flower to nurture and watch grow in the light. To allow you to exude in your own light. To shine rays of encouraging words and uplift you on the days when you can’t feel the warmth of the sun. I’d love to give that and reciprocate it. I’m not picky. I don’t have high standards. I’m not high maintainable (which is what you get from men who want you to lower your standards so they can have their way. Why not appreciate that everyone cannot use me?). I just follow my spirit. I am more attuned with my soul and I cannot settle for anything less.


So I’m not dating. I’ve had some interests in my past that never worked out, and there was always a revolving door in my mind for one person that I just couldn’t seem to shake, yet he is obliviously wrapped up in his own self to see me, and I cannot force anyone to assess my value based on my own priceless tag. It’s not worth the headache, especially if you’ve tried and reconnected and that person continues to show that they are not capable of rising to the occasion of receiving your best love. It probably isn’t for them if they cannot see it.

So if I meet someone who has all of the credentials and isn’t a vegan, I think I can work with that. It’s not easy, but until Ralph Smart is cloned, or someone comes my way who displays the qualities of compassion, understanding, love, selflessness, kindheartedness, spiritual inclination, consideration, strong and mentally equipped to manage the elements with me, I can continue to date myself. I absolutely love dating myself! I think I’m great and I like my personality. I love the way I can make myself laugh, and the way my dimples dip in when I smile. I admire my tenacity and courage, despite all the mess I’ve been through. One day, in this lifetime, someone will appreciate it too, and vice versa.

Peace, love and light.

Sher

PS: I am not the bearer of unrequited love. I am also emotionally available. 

Comments

  1. Wow. I felt like i read a page out of your journal. Thank you for the transparency and the raw honest truth! You are gorgeous in every way woman. Mind body and soul.

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